A miracle has happened

Breakfast of Champions plus coffee

Yesterday I went to the OB/GYN for of all things an itchy nipple.  Itchy nipples are annoying for three reasons, one because it’s extremely difficult to scratch logistically and two because it is very difficult to scratch in polite company, three because it itches.  A lot.  Even in my dreams.  My NP is a certified herbalist too, I love that I can tell her I am using my homemade comfrey, calendula and plantain salve and she says, good,  good keep using it.  And that I am switching from my long long use of bee and flower sandlewood soap to a calendula and chamomile soap for mature skin.

All good she says.  And use some hydrocortisone cream too.

This blog is about fat though right?

Since my annual checkup in October, I have lost ten pounds.  If her scale is consistent with my PCP I have lost five since my 157 fasting blood sugar in March.

What are you doing differently?  Asks the intake nurse who weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet before pooping.  What is it even like having that magic number?

It is hard to say, drinking spinach shakes for breakfast along with my Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar with “The Mother” and honey.  Munching on Rice cakes, boiled eggs, raw veggies and hummus and Chobani Flips yogurt, switching from Porters and Stouts to red and white wine, eating my hamburgers with lettuce instead of a bun, eating diet frozen pizza (sigh), skipping the three hot wing knuckles (sigh).

I don’t tell her all of this of course but just a couple things.

And you aren’t even hungry!  She says.

No not at all.

What are you here for? She asks.

Well I have chewed half of my left arm off, which explains the ten pound weight loss.

Itchy nipple, I reply aloud.

And my blood pressure is down too, even more miraculous because I have managed to consume two and a half American cups of coffee this morning.

In Venezuela a few years ago I couldn’t get a cup larger than a Dixie cup, that is when you realize how super size our portions are.

I am thrilled by both, but my hopes are in the toilet.

It won’t last, it never does.

Just keep moving, says my third cousin twice removed, on Facebook.

That is another story altogether.


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