Failing

I have not written because I think I am failing.  I have read about Ancel Keys and the Minnesota starvation study, and realize that even if I do lose weight it won’t matter because my metabolism will slow down from the absence of calories and my body will fight any effort I make, so it will be months of willpower and deprivation, only to put it all back on again later.  Awesome.

Plus no matter what I do I just cannot stick with 1200 calories a day.  It just isn’t enough.  Yesterday I binged all day long.  And felt disgusting.  Here is the crazy coming right up…I didn’t even eat that much.  Just had a shake, a bar, four Triskets and hummus, a Chobani flip, a giant salad with oily olives and artichokes, chickpeas and roasted garlic, two turkey sausages with peppers and mushrooms, a giant bowl of popcorn and two high calorie alcoholic beverages  Yesterday’s calories were like 1800 though.

Today I can already see I will be over, all because I put peanut butter in my shake.  And because at 9 am I have eaten two of my meals and I can tell already that I will not be able to stick to 400 calories after three pm.

I am obsessed with food, predicted by the Minnesota study, which was done during World War 2, prior to this time when politics in our food is such a huge mess, when you are deprived of food you become obsessed with it.  (all your modern day diets neglect to tell you this, and this is in part why people binge and purge and/or put the weight back on.)  I would hazard to guess that because of the dieting industry the vast majority of women in this country have at least a low level eating disorder.

Also in a conversation with my Mom this morning she was telling me that my brother cannot exercise because his rheumatoid arthritis causes so much pain and inflammation after.

Hm.  Arthritis doctor says I don’t have RA but I basically don’t exercise because it causes so much joint pain and inflammation afterwards.

 

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