Today I am crazy

The crazy has kicked in.

First off the food obsession is really hard.  I could not stop thinking about garlic pizza with buffalo chicken topping basically for three days.  I finally got it and then ate three pieces.  I also ate ice cream two days in a row instead of my Flips. I had over 2000 calories yesterday.

My house is disgusting.  Six people sharing a shower, and then four using the rest of the bathroom regularly, it is disgusting.  The dirty wet wash clothes left in the shower are gross.  The floor is filthy, no one is wiping out the sink or wiping off the toilet seat but me, and I have cleaned the toilet every other day and it still smells horrible when I try to use it.  Everyone kicks off their shoes in the doorway and cannot seam to put their shoes on the shelves or trays.  People drink bottled beverages and put them all in one spot, generally the counter or piled high behind the door.No putting the cans and plastics in their bin, the non-returnables in the correct spot and the returnable glass in their spot, just all tossed together, along with cardboard and actually trash (not actually in the trash can!) If a bottle top is removed it is placed on the counter or table.  If pill foils are opened they are left lying on the counter top instead of pivoting left and throwing them away. It is not thrown away until I do it. As for dishes, dirty ones put on the clean dish drying cloth, once sharp knives jammed in the rack ( I wash immediately but cannot always catch this before others use one and cram it in), dinner dishes cleared up but pots and pans left, counters not washed.

When I say something I get clicking tongues, eye rolls, half-assed jobs done or told I need to be on my meds, or that I am over reacting.

This morning I asked my mom to clear some of her stuff off the table half covered end to end.  And she was pissed and angry because I “screamed at her”  I just told her to clear the table off today.  Tom left the house and isn’t answering texts.

I figure it is me.

I am sure I have gained back the weight I have lost.

It makes me sick to think of it.

But also I feel like my needs aren’t being met.

I want the main areas of the house to be tidy and for people to clean up after themselves and for people to respond with “okay” when I say please tidy up your stuff.  I want to not spend my alone/me time cleaning up after others.  I want to be heard with out argument.  I want more time to myself.  Without people jabbering at me.  ie paint in quiet, read in quiet, surf the internet without having to stop to hear someone else read aloud the same memes to me that I am reading on my own feed.

Bedrooms can be messy.  The office is free for my mom to spread across an entire table (“but I am so isolated” – our house is a circle,  entryway, office, kitchen, living room, entryway, office … ).

I am crazy though, and off my meds. And this is how we men are.  And you are screaming at me (not).

I need meds just to be numb to the mess and grunge I am living in.   Then everyone will be happy, I will just accept the state of affairs, and they can do whatever they want without regards to the feelings of others.

End of rant.




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